One Life to Live and One Wife to Love

Former president of South Korea, Kim Dae-jung, died on August 18 at the age of 85. Born in a remote Island of the South-western seacoast of Korea, DJ (affectionately called by common people) made his way up to the highest office in the nation but his journey was full of ups and downs as he becomes nostalgic in his diary. For him to say that his life was full of ups and downs is a very mild way of putting the perilous journey into a lighter tone. His was a journey filled with sufferings, sorrows and death itself. But his dedication and idealism for democracy in his homeland paid at last and he became the first democratically elected 15th president of South Korea, brought his nation out of the Asian economic crisis and nearly succeeded in uniting the two Koreas after a half a century of hostility. It was during his administration that the world actually got to know what Korea is really like; the resilient spirit of Korea coupled with love and forgiveness was personified in the life of the man Kim Dae-ung. Nobel Peace Prize added just a little flavor to a man whose life was already an aroma of inspiration for any aspiring politicians and civil servants. He carried this aroma of inspiration around him primarily because of his strong faith in God as a devout Catholic which undergirded his moral convictions that man must live to love God and serve fellow human beings. Such faith in God sprang from a tragedy when his first wife died suddenly leaving him behind with two young sons. His faith was again tested and affirmed when he was kidnapped from a hotel in Tokyo, bound and bundled in a boat to be drowned in sea by the Korean secret servicemen. In that moment of death, he had a mystical experience of Christ and miraculously with the help of US government, was spared from drowning. With this strong Christian conviction, in a culture where bribery, corruption and power grabs are considered normal, DJ exhibited a different moral standard of humility, forgiveness and reconciliation. His second marriage to a strong Christian activist only strengthened the faith that had already led him through many troubles and he led the nation from the economic miracle story of the 80s and 90s to a miracle of one of the most democratic and free societies in the world.
In retrospect, one can say that DJ was a successful man who lived his life to the full. On January 11, 2009, six month prior to his death, he wrote: "The relationship with my wife is now the best it has been since we got married. I love and look up to my wife. If it wasn't for my wife, it would have been hard for me to stand where I am right now. But I can't imagine myself without her, even at this point of time. I pray every day to God that we could live happily together for a long time."
At the grand old age of 85 he says, “The relationship with my wife is now the best it has been since we got married”, and he prays everyday that God would allow them to “live happily together for a long time”. This was not a wish of a man who had squandered loving relationship with his wife and was regretting at the end of his life; it was a wish of a man who had very fulfilling and richly blessed marital relationship with his beloved wife. Theirs was a story of a marriage filled with love and mutual respect. In a typical Korean society it is not a common thing to hear a husband confessing his respect for his wife, but almost all the letters he wrote to his beloved wife from the prison begin with “To you with love and respect”, and till the end he kept his love and respect for his wife and only wished to deepen it. Sadly, his wish to live happily together for a long time with his wife lasted only about six months in this world, and God willing, eternity awaits them for that. But here is a lesson for us who are still much younger than DJ to make that wish come true. As we come to the end of our lives in this world, may our wish to love and respect our wives and husbands be not from the regrets of failure to do so while in good time, but may it be a desire only to deepen the life-time of cherished love and respect because wife and husband will be the only person that will matter the most when we come to the end of our journey.
Sometimes, when we are in pursuit of ambitions, it is easy to neglect this part of life. Other times, our stupidity, selfishness and greed may destroy all the beauty of a marriage and a home. But from the life of a man who was never free from the challenges and dangers, we learned that he never forgot who mattered the most in his life. As he grew older, his love for his wife grew deeper as his prayer tells it all. He died as a man who loved his wife and reaped life full of contentment; he died with no regrets. Surely, he was not an angel or a saint, in their marriage they may have had their fair share of struggles, but judging from his words, it is easy to see the heart of a man who truly loved his wife and if given a chance for another life would have asked for no other person.
From Kim’s diary, if there is one thing we need to learn to have a happy ending; it is to have a hope for the better marriage every single day of our life in spite of all the struggles. It is to wish to love our spouses more than yesterday, respect them more than they deserve and if we can do this, every marriage will last a life-time with flames of love still blazing. Our romance does not have to be buried after the birth of our first child and respect for wife does not have to be equated with “joitingre” . Extended families and in-laws do not have to replace our spouses and economic hardships and suffering of any kinds do not have to be the messengers of doom for our “happy ever after”. If there is love and respect for each other, in the midst of all hell, we can still have a wonderful marriage filled with love, respect and romance as demonstrated by beloved DJ and his wonderful wife.