In my life as a minister of the gospel, I have been
baselessly and brutally attacked by many Christians. They have falsely accused me, reported
me to the authorities and even spread false rumors of filing court cases
against them even as they claimed and sold ministry properties. My best intentions for them have been
turned into something which I never imagined. Few Christian friends begged me to
loan them some money. I put
in their hands whatever I had at that time; even at the point of starving my
own family. Instead of
returning it in time, they turned against me to avoid paying it. In most of these cases, I see a
pattern of greed and jealousy mixed in their attacks against me. They themselves fight among
themselves when one gets more than the other! As long as I was down and about under
their foot, they were happy. As
soon as the Lord began to lift my head up, they jumped to their guns. Yes, to live and minister in such
situations is demoralizing, discouraging and lonesome.
However, from my early Christian life, I have learnt
to be content in who I am and what I have. I have no grudge against
anyone for what they have done to me because my life would not have been what
it is today if there was no hand of God behind all of this. The Lord
allowed me to go through all these experiences so that I would humble myself
and totally and completely depend on God’s mercy to sustain me. The Lord
used all such experiences to make me the kind of minister I have become.
He broke my heart so that I would be able to minister to the broken
hearted. He wounded me so that I could minister to the wounded. He
afflicted me so that I could minister to the afflicted. What a joy it is
for me today to hear so many children of God respond in saying that the Lord
has used the words that came from my mouth to heal them and bless them.
Not only did the Lord make me who I am today, but he also vindicated me and
protected me. The Lord stood with me when I was attacked, the Lord went
ahead of me when I was afraid, and the Lord covered me with his wings when the
arrows were so thick and fierce. The more my adversaries tried to destroy
me the more I felt the good hand of the Lord upholding me and blessing me.
As I reflect in my own experiences, I am reminded of Leah’s experience in the
Bible in Genesis 29-30.
Laban had two daughters; Leah and Rachel. The
older Leah was unsmart, unattractive, and partially blind. But the
younger Rachel was stunningly beautiful and smart. Jacob fell in love
with Rachel and worked as a servant for 14 years to get her. Leah was
hopelessly and deceptively handed to Jacob as his first wife by her cruel and
cunning father Laban for no price.
The Bible says; “Jacob loved Rachel but despised
Leah”. But God saw “Leah was hated” (Gen.29:30-31). The love birds;
Jacob and Rachel could have forever tormented unwanted Leah’s heart. But
then, life is not all about human beings. Smart or unsmart, attractive or
unattractive; these are human categories because in God’s eyes, we are all
beloved and priceless. For life to be meaningful and joyful it needs more
than human elements; it needs the divine favor of God. The Psalmist
understood such a truth so very well and says, “I praise you because I am
fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full
well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret
place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes
saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts,
God! How vast is the sum of them!” (Ps.139:14-17).
Leah might have lacked so much in her physical
appearance and possibly because of such weaknesses, she turned to God who
formed her in her mother’s womb. Instead of anger, bitterness and
jealousy controlling her life, Leah must have asked the Lord to cover her
weaknesses. God indeed saw Leah’s situation and heard her cry. She
gave birth to her first son and named him “Ruben” which means “God has seen”.
Second son she named “Simeon” which means “God has heard”.
What a beautiful combination; she can now say “God has seen my suffering and
heard my cry!” Her third son she named “Levi” which means “attached or
fellowship”. She was no longer alone and dejected; God has joined her in
Jacob’s clan in such a way; she was the head mother as Rachel was still
barren. She no longer needed Jacob’s love to be joyful, and when the fourth
son was born she named him “Judah” meaning “I will praise the Lord!” Leah
was full of life, joy, and praises for God who saw and heard her. Leah’s
faith in God’s faithfulness continued to increase whereas Rachel began to burn
with jealousy and anger. She began to demand children from Jacob to a
point of anger and frustration that Jacob puts his head between his hands and
screams, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having Children?”
(30:2).
Rachel’s jealousy drives her to such a foolish
extreme; she forbids Jacob to sleep with Leah and compels him to sleep with her
maid. The maid gives birth to two sons. Rachel names the first
“Dan” meaning “vindication” and the second “Naphtali” meaning “struggle”.
Naming of these two sons reveals how Rachel’s life was defined by her struggle
against sister and the desire to be vindicated. Instead of looking up to
God, Rachel’s focus was drooling with jealousy over her sister’s blessed
life. The more she looked at Leah and her sons, the more bitter she
became. Finally, though not from her own body, she felt satisfied and
vindicated when her maid bore two sons for her. Sadly, this too was a
temporary relief to Rachel’s tormented soul. Even though she had
forbidden Jacob to sleep with Leah, Leah could still according to accepted
customs allow Jacob to sleep with her maid. She did it and her maid
produced two more sons. First one Leah named “Gad” meaning “good fortune”
which could also be translated as “troop”, and the second one “Asher” meaning
“happy”. Leah could not stop but be happy and joyful in what God has done
for her whereas Rachel lost all her happiness due to her struggles with sister
and the desire to be vindicated.
Finally, it seems Rachel was tired of being jealous
and bitter. She accepted her lot in life. She could not imagine
anything better than what she could achieve by her own efforts. She
realized she could do nothing as her womb was closed. It is also possible
that she looked to God in her own ways and made peace with her life. She
was willing to trade Jacob for a handful of mandrakes (30:15) as a sign of
utter resignation from a life of struggles and vindications. She allowed
Jacob to visit Leah. Leah again gave birth to two more sons; one she
named “Issachar” which means “gift or reward” and another she named “Zebulun”
which means “honor”. Leah was not only happy and joyful, praising the
Lord; she was also rewarded and honored by the Lord. She also had a
daughter to the full satisfaction of a mother of eight sons and one daughter.
Rachel was nowhere to Leah’s joy, happiness and contentment. There was no
contest between the two and Rachel resigned to her lost cause.
It was in this lost-ness, Rachel remembered to call
upon God. The Bible says “God remembered Rachel and listened to her”
(30:22). Oh, how much she lost, how much she forfeited because of her own
desire to be vindicated by her own struggles! Had she called upon the
Lord from the beginning; the storyline of her life would be different.
However, late though it was, she did call upon the Lord and God heard
her. He opened her womb and she gave birth to “Joseph” which means
“added”. She exclaimed, “God has taken away my disgrace!” She still hoped
in God to add one more son. God did add one more son to her but she died
while giving him birth. Just before dying she named him “Ben-Oni” which
means “trouble”. Her beautiful life ended in trouble so soon and so
abruptly because of her attitude toward her sister. Attitude of greed and
jealousy will not eat others, it will eat oneself.
Leah goes on to live a long and blessed life but
Rachel lost everything in struggles and troubles. She never knew how to
rest in what God has done and given her. However, when she realized the
futility of trying hard by herself, God did hear her, took her disgrace away
and gave her a son like Joseph who would go on to be the type of Jesus.
But by then, jealousy, bitterness, and troubles of all kind had taken the toll
in her body and mind. She could not live to see the glory days of her son
Joseph.
Dear friends, it is a universally accepted fact that
life is not always fair. More of often than not, we are unfairly treated,
misunderstood, underestimated, abused and exploited. Unfairly accused and
tainted but there is a God who “sees” and “hears” as he did to Leah. When
our anchor is safely cast on him, no matter how strong the winds, the storms
and the waves break in, our ship will remain safe to sail another day over the
smooth waters of life.
Jesus said, “Blessed are you when people insult you,
persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of
me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven”
(Matt.5:11-12).
Let us also not be conceited and jealous toward those
who God is blessing and using for his glory. Doing such would put us into
the category of the wicked digging trenches for others but eventually they
themselves fall into them (Prov.26:26-28). Living in jealousy
and the desire to be vindicated will consume your life in such a way; you may
end your life in trouble just like Rachel did. Be content and joyful in
what God has done for you and he will fill you with joy and honor!
I can tell you from my own experience that those who
unfairly treated me; most of them ended up in utter disgrace, others simply
disappeared from the scene and some are barely hanging in life full of anger
and bitterness. Had they repented in time and allowed God to take control
of their lives, they would have fulfilled their full potentials because some of
them were individuals with great potentials. What a loss for God’s
kingdom and for their own lives! When their journey on earth will be
completed and get to meet Jesus, they will also see how much they missed in
life because of jealousy, hate, anger, lust and greed.
Let us cast all our cares on him for he indeed cares
for us. He cared for Leah and he even cared for Rachel. But Leah
took the highway of righteousness while Rachel took the low way of jealousy and
vindication. Leah lived a long and blessed life and saw her children’s
success while Rachel missed it. It is my prayer that you, my reader,
would not miss all that God has prepared for you.
